The 5 Phases of Doing it Differently offer a powerful map for personal change. From blissful ignorance to new identity, these stages help you recognize that change takes time—and that even when you’re stuck in a “slow-motion wreck,” you’re making progress. You may bounce between phases for a while, but each one is a vital part of learning to choose something new. This framework can help you shift habits with more clarity, compassion, and patience.
When you’re stuck or scared to start, it’s not clarity you’re missing—it’s courage. Real change begins before you feel ready.
We all carry imprints—unconscious adaptations from earlier in life that shaped how we respond to the world. Like a tree growing away from shade that’s no longer there, or an elephant who forgets its strength, we often stay loyal to conditions that no longer exist. These imprints aren’t flaws; they were wise responses to the environments we once lived in. But when they go unexamined, they can quietly steer our choices and reactions in ways that no longer serve us. Coaching can help you spot these outdated patterns and choose something new.
Transformation isn’t always graceful—in fact, it can feel like falling apart. Caterpillar soup is the messy, in-between stage of becoming something new. When your old life no longer fits but the new one hasn’t taken shape yet, it’s easy to feel lost or doubt yourself. This is the goo stage of real growth—uncomfortable, disorienting, and essential. If you’re questioning everything right now, you might be closer to becoming than you think.
“If you build it, they will come” is terrible business advice. You don’t need a fancy funnel to get clients—you need conversations. The 30 Coffees Method is the simplest strategy I know for generating real momentum, real relationships, and real business growth. It worked for me, and it might work for you too.
Resenvy is my made-up word for that messy cocktail of resentment, envy, grief, and shame that flares up when someone else claims a freedom we’ve denied ourselves. It shows up when they say no and we didn’t. When they take a stand we told ourselves wasn’t possible. Spotting it doesn’t make the trigger vanish—but it can ease the pressure, like lancing a blister. Naming it gives us a handle. And from there, we can begin to choose something new.
A true naturalist doesn’t try to control the wild. They witness it with reverence. What if you brought the same attention to your inner world?
We don’t know what the future holds—but our words shape how it unfolds. What we say (and believe) sets the tone for what’s possible. So why not speak a future you actually want?
We can’t control the future. But we can love our reasons. What if it’s not about the outcome—but how we came to the choice?
Most of us are walking around starving for real contact. Circling is a simple, radical practice of presence in relationship—one that’s transformed how I listen, connect, and show up in every part of my life.
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